SoulacheI am nothing. I am everything.
by Fur and Fantasy
G for Gen
full contents and notes located at the bottom of the file
I have all I could want,
except the one thing I ache for
the one thing I can not seek,
for in seeking it, I rob it of it's ability to soothe my soul.
It has a name, but I dare not say it.
For in saying it ... in saying what I need
it takes the ability to give it from all whom hear me,
even if they were so inclined
for naming it, that too is seeking
and seeking robs what I need so desperately of it's strength.
My soul aches to cry, but I can not cry the way it needs.
My mind aches to die, but ... I can not.
Surrender on that level is not in me.
My body ... I lost touch with it a while ago.
The boundless aching hurt that sings of something broken deep inside.
I ache with no hope but for the chance that someone might see me
for what I am.
for what I need.
for what I offer.
I will find release from this ache only in the pity of another
A pity that will destroy me.
A pity, if it is not just pity, that has a chance of renewing me
I understand the price of my gifts
I accept that price
But it makes it no easier to bear the ache in my soul
or silence the traitorous voice that asks
Why must I hurt so?
What did I do to deserve this life
This apathy that makes me want to cry so
It will end, and I will see it through
but when that days is, and how much damage I do
that remains to be seen
But I will never be all I want to be,
for that too, is not in me.
I fear failure too much to claim all I wish
That too, makes me ache.
makes me want to cry.
And rage, if I had the fire in me
The fire apathy has taken away.
But this agony is the price of my life
and pay it I will
even though I do not know how.
G for Gen
3 KB, Story is Complete, Series is Finished
Written April 12, 2001 by Rauhnee Ranshanka
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