The Sun's Night 9.99:
Confronting An Uncomfortable Truth
by Fur and Fantasy
PG-13 for M/M
full contents and notes located at the bottom of the file
"Hey, Kurt." Roberto said, as he spotted his missing blue bed partner in an otherwise unoccupied hallway of the mansion, startling the other teen. "Is something wrong?" He asked quietly.
"No," he smiled back, though the response was utterly reflexive and his expression changed a moment later. "Just trying to think threw things." He admitted quietly.
"Oh." Roberto said quietly. "When you stopped showing up suddenly, and didn't say anything, I thought maybe something was wrong."
Kurt's uncomfortable shifting was a hint that wasn't far off the mark. "I just needed some time alone to try to sort some stuff out."
"You just worried me, when you didn't say anything." Roberto said quietly. "I thought it was something I did." He added, though he couldn't actually think of anything.
"No, no," Kurt listed both hands and shook his head quickly. "Nothing you did. I just needed to think."
"Okay." Roberto nodded, putting on a front of casual acceptance even if he wasn't totally convinced. "Well, I hope it all works out." He added quietly, figuring that if Kurt actually wanted to talk about it, he wouldn't put distance between them. "See 'ya, round." He said quietly, as he turned to head to his room to study.
He could feel yellow eyes on him as he moved until the soft bamf of Kurt teleporting away reached him.
Roberto was lying in bed, not quite asleep yet when his attention snapped awake and overhead with the distinctive bamf and weight of his four-day absent bedmate's arrival.
"Hiya, Kurt." Roberto said quietly, as he lifted the covers to let his fuzzy blue friend under. "So you work things out?" He asked quietly.
"As much as I'm going to anytime soon." He admitted and snuggled close.
"So, what was bothering you?" He asked quietly. "Or would you rather not talk about it?" He added, leaving Kurt the escape route.
The furry mutant sighed softly. Even knowing this was coming it wasn't any easier.
"I had to figure out if I should stop coming."
"Well, I guess you decided you shouldn't stop." He noted quietly. "I missed having you here." He said softly.
"Yeah." Kurt mumbled from where he was snuggled against soft skin. "I missed it too. A lot."
"Good to have you back." Roberto smiled, and put his arms around Kurt as they snuggled until sleep claimed them.
"Roberto?" Jean Grey came up to the younger teen after school the next day. "Maybe sharing will help?" She offered a little awkwardly.
Roberto jumped a bit, since he hadn't heard her approach. "With what?" He asked uncertainly, since he wasn't sure exactly what she was talking about. He couldn't remember if he'd been thinking about his brother or about Kurt just then.
"About what's bothering you so much." She said quietly and stared to guide him very gently into the formal gardens to sit in relative privacy. "You are radiating distress quite a bit." She added gently.
"Which means the Professor's probably heard too." He chuckled weakly. "A couple things actually, neither of which I really know what to do with." He sighed quietly.
"Sometimes talking to someone not directly involved can be helpful. She offered again. "It's not getting any better on it's own."
"No neither of them is." He admitted. "Safe to assume everybody knows there's something going on between me and Kurt?"
"Yes, I'd say so." She smiled softly. "And that something went very wrong when your brother came by."
"That's complicated, and I'm not sure what exactly happened except that Kurt had a really strong reaction to Miguel's boyfriend Chris, who happens to bear a striking resemblance to Storm." He said, still wondering if there was more than just an uncanny resemblance.
"Yes, I heard about him." She smiled. "Another of her nephews."
"Oh, is he? I didn't know that." He said, surprised. "I did suspect a relationship though. At any rate, Kurt got really hung up on Chris's eyes, and then he stopped showing up for four days."
Jean raised a curious eyebrow at that, sure there was a connection she wasn't making yet. "Did he say why?"
"Something about blue eyes." He said trying to remember what Kurt had actually told him. "Storm has blue eyes, Kitty has blue eyes and so does Chris. I almost went and got tinted contacts." He said trying to make a joke out of something that really had kind of disturbed him.
She nodded and considered that. "The first person he saw coming here and the first crush he had." She told him gently. "I'm not surprised it has a special place in his mind."
"It just a bit disturbing, 'cause he reacted more to Chris than he ever does to me." Roberto sighed deeply.
"That may be why he needed some time to himself, to figure out why." She suggested. "It can be distressing to be with someone and suddenly want someone else. Especially someone who's already taken."
"Especially when you're only sort of with the first person." Roberto sighed. "That's the big problem, I think there's a relationship but as far as I can figure out he doesn't. He doesn't even seem to get that two guys can have a relationship."
Jean put a gentle hand on his shoulder and guided him to sit on a bench in the seclusion of a weeping willow. "It's not an easy concept for many to deal with." She tried not to hurt him with the truth. "Kurt perhaps more than most."
"I know it's not an easy concept." He said quietly. "It's just frustrating, cause it seems like it's a one-way relationship, emotionally." He shook his head quietly.
"Roberto, if being attracted to someone else disturbed him enough to have to think that hard about it, he must feel something for you, even if he can't express it well."
"That's what I keep telling myself." Roberto said quietly. "Some days are more successful than others. Worrying about Miguel doesn't help any." He said softly, figuring he'd probably broadcast most of it already.
"You think he's a mutant, don't you?" She asked quietly.
"It's crossed my mind. I think the problems he's having are because he's subconsciously suppressing something." He said quietly. "After the disaster that accompanied the emergence of my powers, I think he's been telling himself that he's not a mutant, strongly enough that it's creating a block." He said, giving words to the theory he'd been formulating.
"It wouldn't be the first time the mind overrode the body or powers." She nodded slightly. "If he is, it is increasing the odds of something bad happening when the block breaks. It can't be healthy for him, physically or mentally."
"It's already having physical effects. At least that's what I'm guessing the nerve spikes the doctors can't identify are." He said quietly. "He's supposed to see another specialist on Monday."
"Would you like me to try and find out for sure, with Cerebro?" She asked softly.
"The problem is I wasn't supposed to mention the fact that he's having problems to anyone." Roberto said quietly. "But then, I don't shield well enough, to not tell you and the Professor that something's wrong, huh?" He smiled weakly.
"Pretty much," she nodded. "I had a good guess just from your face too."
"Well, it was hard enough not telling Kurt." He said quietly. "Fortunately, he's not a telepath."
Jean nodded and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "And very preoccupied with his own problems. He hasn't been in much better shape than you."
"Problem is, I'm not sure Miguel would believe he's a mutant, even if told." Roberto said quietly. "He can be very stubborn."
"Maybe not, but it would let us be ready to help him if we knew, and knew what he could do."
"That's true." Roberto nodded. "And he might believe, if the Professor told him. He'd just figure I was trying to pull one over on him." He smiled weakly. "We've spent most of our lives pulling pranks on each other. Harmless ones, just 'cause we know we can."
"Good brotherly games." She smiled, hesitating to mention what she's picked up from Kurt. "Have you talked to Kurt at all?"
"Some, but sometimes I think we're talking different languages even when we're both speaking English." He said quietly. "Especially when it comes to trying to discuss what we both want. And the fact that he had to think about whether he 'should' come back to me, kind of threw me."
Jean sighed. It was cheating and morally questionable, but they needed to understand each other, even if that meant she had to do the translating.
"He's afraid of you," she told him as gently as she could. "Of what being in loves means. Roberto, he's lost a lot already. Whether it's good or not for him, he's found denial of any attachment as a coping method for the future and loosing the next thing that matters to him."
Roberto sighed. "Loss I understand. Aside from Miguel and my Mom, I lost my whole world when my powers emerged. Coming here was starting over again from scratch. Nothing I'd done or achieved before mattered any more." He shook his head. "Denying any attachment is a good way to make sure there's nothing to lose. Guess that explains why I keep feeling like I'm getting pushed away."
"Despite the fact that he keeps coming back to you," she nodded quietly. "He's battling between staying safe and feeling good. I don't think he has really accepted either choice yet."
"I don't think so either." Roberto said quietly. "Part of me really wishes he would though. The rest is far too afraid he'll choose staying safe."
"Limbo is never pleasant." She squeezed his shoulder. "At least he isn't physically pushing you away. It's a good start, really. If he gets used to it, being with you might become what is safe for him. He doesn't want to be alone."
"Yeah, I think we got past that the first couple of nights." He smiled softly. "I'm just glad my family likes him. Of course, it's hard not to."
"He is very sweet, when he's not driving you crazy." She chuckled softly, remembering the teleporter's pranks.
"Even if it is tough to get him to believe it." He smiled. "But that's probably part of the denial thing as well."
"It's easier not to care for someone that you don't think cares much about you." She nodded sadly. She wasn't about to mention how pitiful it was to feel him when his attempts to be friendly failed. The first couple weeks with Kitty had been intensely painful for them both.
"Yeah, and I probably rushed things. But I was kind of clueless on how to approach another guy, and I went with what seemed like helpful advice." He smiled weakly. "Truth is that I don't know that much more about the whole guy/guy thing than Kurt does."
"I'm not so sure it has much to do with either of you being guys." She said gently. "As it does with neither of you being all that sure how to express what you truly want to the other in a way he understands. It's never easy at the beginning."
"There's that too. But as far as I can tell, Kurt's understanding of relationships didn't really include the concept of guy/guy or even girl/guy if kids weren't involved." He shook his head, a bit befuddled. "I'm kind of hoping the evening with Miguel and Chris, gave him an idea that guy/guy really can be a relationship."
"Roberto, what do you want out of a relationship with Kurt?" She asked, feeling guilty and a little uncertain of playing councilor, but she wasn't about to let this tear them both apart and not try to help.
"What people usually want out of relationships." He said, and then sighed as he realized that was just dodging the question. "I guess the best description I ever came up with was it's like a best friend but with more emotional intimacy. Someone to do things with, share things with and sometimes just be with." He said trying to explain something that was as much gut instinct as words. He didn't say it, but what he wanted was what he saw his brother had with Chris.
Jean nodded and considered that for a while. "I know how I judge it, but that doesn't really apply here." She started softly and as carefully as she could. "How do you judge emotional intimacy, and how it's lacking with Kurt?"
"Judge it? I'm not sure how to put it into words." He said quietly. "I guess part of it though is that when we step out of the bedroom, it's like nothing has changed between us. If it wasn't for certain people's sensitive noses, no one would know there was anything between us. Makes me feel like we're doing something wrong that we have to hide." He said quietly. "Even though I know we aren't. Just using the word boyfriend, I get the impression I'm moving too fast."
"It does come with a lot of expectations," she nodded and thought back to what she'd picked up from Kurt over the past few weeks. "Not the least of which is that it is something permanent and likely to grow." She tried to avoid spelling out any more than she had to. "It comes with a lot of obligations, demands and expectations he might not be ready for with anyone."
"Guess I don't see it that way." He sighed. "Just the only word for someone you care about who's more than just a friend, that I could think of."
"You might want to try to explain that to him." She suggested gently.
"Can't hurt, I hope." Roberto said quietly. "I suppose the worst that happens is another conversation that ends with neither of us understanding where the other is coming from."
Jean nodded. "And he has a word for someone who means more than a friend to him." She said very softly, sure of it from what she'd felt when he'd used it. "It's teammate."
"Well, that's true." Roberto granted. "But the emotional connotations don't quite work. I've had lots of teammates, but I certainly didn't feel any of the things I feel for Kurt for them. And I certainly didn't sleep with them." He chuckled weakly. Even suggesting that to his old teammates would've got him at best a whole lot of teasing, and at worst a serious beating, or at least an attempt at one.
"I'm sure," she smiled and chuckled softly. "But it's as close to what I think you are trying to describe as he probably knows. Possibly family does too, which carries much the same issues."
"No wonder things are complicated." He shook his head. "Using the same word for people you do and don't sleep with."
"There has never been a good word for someone you care about, sleep with and aren't ready for a commitment to yet." She sighed softly, as much from personal experience than anything. "More than friends, not quite boyfriend yet, and lover is just wrong for it."
"Lover is way too permanent." He nodded. "At least, this early it is. And fuck buddy isn't right either." He chuckled weakly.
"No, I don't think so," she tried not to react visibly to the term. "And sometimes trying to apply a label to something that isn't ready for it can be more damaging than anything." She paused as a thought came to mind. "You said that he doesn't act like anything has changed outside your bedroom. Have you tried asking him on a date yet? Suggested doing things, just the two of you, like you would if you were interested in a girl? Maybe he isn't acting like anything has changed because he hasn't seen an indication it should."
"No, I guess I haven't. " He admitted quietly. "I guess the problems we've been having with the concept of relationship kind of distracted me."
"You might want to consider that." She smiled softly at him. "Try to show him what he means to you and what you want. It might sink in better than words."
"It would almost have to." He chuckled weakly. "But then I just can't seem to manage my natural smoothness when I'm around him. Never had that problem before."
"I'm sure," Jean's mouth quirked into a teasing smile. "I believe he's on the roof right now." She added and stood with her own natural grace. "You do have him rather turned around."
"We seem to do that to each other." He smiled slightly. "Some people would say that's a good sign." He smiled, and soaked in the sunshine as he powered up enough so he could get up on to the roof without risking his neck climbing up.
"Hi, Kurt." Sunspot said as he landed on the roof next to Kurt, having taken a route that would give Kurt ample time to see him before he landed. He powered down, once he was sitting on the roof next to his fuzzy blue teammate.
"Hay," he smiled back with only a trace of the uneasy confusion that had consumed much of his waking and dreaming hours in the last few weeks. "What's up, besides us?"
"I was wondering if you'd be interested in going to a movie tonight, just the two of us?" Roberto asked, managing to cover the majority of his nervousness.
Confusion flickered across Kurt's features for a moment before he nodded. "Sure. What's showing?"
"Lots. What's your presence in genre? Action, Comedy, Drama, Adventure, Romance." He said easily, trying to remember them all.
"Uuummm ...." Kurt's dark faced flushed slightly and he ducked his head, trying to cover the fact that he'd never seen a movie outside of the rec room below them and hadn't a real clue what any of those were. "Action?"
"Well, there's the new Matrix film, and if you like Star Wars, the Madison is showing both Episode I and II, back to back." He suggested.
"Matrix sounds good." He grinned. Star Wars just seems too much like a training film." He snickered slightly.
"Especially any of the Jedi scenes." Roberto snickered back. "I could just see Logan running the training on Dagobah. Of course, it would make Yoda's seem like a cake walk."
"But Luke wouldn't have gotten in nearly as much trouble once Logan was done with him." Kurt laughed; light and easy with his worries forgotten for the moment. "He'd be a lot less polite too."
"And he sure as hell wouldn't have left early." Roberto laughed easily. "Though Logan with a lightsaber seems almost redundant somehow." He grinned.
"Nah," his grinned widened. "They deflect the lasers. Logan with that speed is a scary thought though. Imagine the damage rating with him having Quicksilver's speed."
"I'd say we wouldn't have to worry about Quicksilver." He chuckled, having a distinct dislike for the arrogant speedster. "It'd be something to see that's for sure. But can you see Logan putting up with some Jedi trying to teach him in the first place?" He snickered.
"Only once his master earned his respect." Kurt said a little seriously. "He respects the Professor and Storm. Even listens to them. Sometimes."
"Sometimes." He nodded. "Of course, when he doesn't he's frequently right." Roberto smiled admiringly. "But the 'Only for Defense, never for Attack' Jedi philosophy just doesn't seem like Logan."
"Nope, definitely not that. That emotional control thing just doesn't suit him either."
"Of course, he'd have been hunting Vader to start with." He chuckled. "And Vader would've been worrying about it."
"No kidding," Kurt rolled his eyes. "That and there wouldn't have been any of that political dancing. It'd be so much more like Logan and Sabertooth."
"Except that Vader has a lot more self-control than Sabertooth." He chuckled. "And more style too."
"Who doesn't?" Kurt snorted, though he couldn't completely suppress the fear he had for the psychotic mutant.
"Toad and Blob come to mind." Roberto snickered.
"Okay, I'll go with that. Especially Blob." He made a face. "Toad is more sad than anything."
"Yeah, guess you're right about that." Roberto nodded. "There is something kind of sad about him."
"He's like me," Kurt shrugged. "He looks different."
"Only in looking different." Roberto said seriously. "But unlike you he has a mean spirit. He likes to build himself up, by knocking others down."
"He doesn't know any better." Kurt shook his head, his voice quiet. "I may be viewed as a freak, but I've been a valuable freak. No one has valued him, wanted him."
"You're not a freak here." Roberto said firmly, not wanting to get into an argument over Toad. The disgusting mutant wasn't worth it. "You're a teammate."
He saw yellow eyes slip shut and a slight tremor run down Kurt's spine as the words penetrated the blue furred teen's mind. Instead of saying anything, Kurt reached out with his tail to draw Roberto a little closer.
Roberto responded by putting his arm around his fuzzy teammate, and held him close. Somehow it seemed like they'd gotten closer up on the roof, than they'd ever managed in the bedroom.
The Sun's Night 9.99: Confronting An Uncomfortable Truth
PG-13 for M/M
Het Level is None Slash Level is Femslash Level is None Herm Level is None
22 KB, Story is Complete, Series is Finished
Written June 12, 2003 by Rauhnee Ranshanka and Todd McCall
Setting: X-Men: Evolution
Primary Races: Human, Mutant
Contents: Furry. Slash (M/M).
Pairings: Roberto 'Sunspot' DaCosta/Kurt 'Nightcrawler' Wagner
Blurb: As Kurt tries to sort himself out, Roberto has a crisis or three of his own. But things are looking up, just a little.
Disclaimer: All things taken directly from the sources listed under 'Fandoms' belong to the owners of those shows. No harm is intended and we're definitely not making any money. Now, the things we created are ours, and if you see 'Non-FanFic' up there, it's probably all ours.
Page Hit Count from December 14, 2004